Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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