I hate your face
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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