Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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