You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Randomize
