i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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