but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
