Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
