I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
