I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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