I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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