She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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