I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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