Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
