We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
