Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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