Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just found a bag of teeth...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Randomize
