would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
