my sisters under your porch take her home
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
be right there i have to get my cape
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
