Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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