That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
