3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
