(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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