Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
