TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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