dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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