does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
