His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
