Your dad touched me again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
