wanna go halves on a baby?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
