I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Randomize
