i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
