so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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