I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
