I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
not ubering you a puppy
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
