two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
