Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
