I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
