You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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