in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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