There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
