I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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