I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
