I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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