xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
