I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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