I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
