I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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