My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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