He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
