why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
